Your parents need support, but there’s a lot of conflict between you and your siblings. You can’t be in the same room as them without arguing. It stresses your parents, so you are trying to hide it. How can you help your parents with daily tasks if there is a lot of conflict?
Create a Schedule
Start by creating a schedule that ensures you and the siblings you do not get along with are never at the house at the same time. If you’ve been heading up each Saturday to cook meals and know your sister goes in the afternoon, plan everything so that you leave before she arrives.
Explore Why There is Dysfunction
Do you even know why you don’t get along? You probably do, but sometimes siblings can’t even remember what an argument was about. They just know there was one. If you do know, see if you can resolve the conflict.
Your sister may be hurt because you accused her of always getting money from your parents. You may not realize that when she did need to ask for help, she also paid it back. She may not realize that her comments about your husband hurt you. If arguments can be resolved, take those steps and see if it can bring a sense of peace.
Shove Feelings Aside
It’s hard, but it’s better for your parents if you push your feelings aside when you’re at your parents’ house. Your parents may not know or understand why there is discord, and they shouldn’t have to suffer because of it. While you’re helping them, push negativity aside and get the job done.
You don’t have to talk or act like friends. Simply do the things you’re there to do, ignore each other, and leave when everything is done.
Look for a Moderator
When all else fails, look for a moderator with no influence from either party. Have arguments settled so that your parents are not the ones paying for your sibling squabbles. With a neutral party helping out, the focus returns to your parents and not your disagreements.
It may be recommended that you hire home care aides to guarantee your parents’ needs come first. If that’s the recommendation, make sure it happens. Caregivers can help out. That leaves you free to visit your parents without worrying about stepping on your brother’s or sister’s toes. Call a home care agency to find out more.